i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
