I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
