VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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