spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it was like eating out sand paper
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
