trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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