i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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