I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
