I got chris browned last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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