Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
