So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
