why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
