ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We don't watch enough power rangers
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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