I accidentally burped into my bong.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
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with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear