Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.