Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.