pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.