I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
