you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
