When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
