If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
