I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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