There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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