Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
