is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
