there was a trapeze. enough said
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
