i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
