The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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