Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
