If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
