Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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