I have demons in me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
