I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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