Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
pray to the hookup gods
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
