Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize