there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
