He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
