ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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