I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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