If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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