She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
