Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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