Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
