Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jerry, you need to find god
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
