just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
