I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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