he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
