What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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