I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The uberlube is also flammable
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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