my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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