Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
