I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
