yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
