A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
