Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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