watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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