What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
