Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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