Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
