Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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