new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
