We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I smell like Dick and happiness
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
