I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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