It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
