i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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