Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
