I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
